ERA results are in…

We got the ERA biopsy results back today. I tested “late receptive” and they recommended moving the embryo transfer back by 12 hours. This is what my doctor expected (12 hours off in one direction or the other). The other possible results were pre receptive (too soon, not receptive) or post receptive (too late, not receptive). Since these cycles are so closely controlled, they don’t expect to see a pre or post receptive result because they know exactly when you were first exposed to progesterone, how much you’re getting, and for exactly how long. My doctor is out til Thursday, but I’ve already started the transfer cycle. The next transfer is sometime the week of Valentine’s Day. We are really hopeful this one sticks. I do not know if we will try again. We may go to surrogacy. We know the quality and genetic viability of the embryos we’ve transferred and the only variable is me. If this one doesn’t work after all the testing, I have to think very hard about trying again. It’s a loss of life every time one fails, and if I’m the problem, I do not think I could continue to try when having someone younger and able to get pregnant would be a better option for the baby. So fingers and toes crossed. So much riding on such a tiny little being  I work hard on being kinder to myself. I’m trying very hard to not see this as my body failing me and especially Scott. I am trying to love my body for giving me the three beautiful souls I WAS able to bring into the world. At the end of the day, whether I carry and birth our next child or someone else does through adoption or surrogacy doesn’t change anything about how loved and wanted that child is. Already.

My neck/face problems are slightly better today.  I don’t have time to go to the chiropractor 2-3 times a week for a few months, and I refuse to take heavy pain medications.  Biofreeze, stretches, ice/heat, Advil, rest.  I have a TENS unit from the last time I had major neck and back issues and went through 9 months of physical therapy and chiropractic care.  Here’s hoping it resolves in the next week or so.

Assignments for my 5 classes of my final semester in law school are rolling in.  Half the problem, as I see it, is I force myself to sit and read/take notes 12+ hours a day in order to get it all done.  Getting up to stretch, do yoga, take a walk, get fresh air and sunshine have not been high on my priority list since starting school.  Except I tell my 1L’s to do just that.  I stress how important self-care is to surviving law school.  Guess I am going to have to practice what I preach.  Maybe this is the Universe telling me to love myself better.  Who knows?  I DO know I have a mountain of work in front of me, and I am going to curl up with my youngest daughter and the dogs and rest for today.

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